Yeah, I'm slack I know!

Only in the blogging sense mind you! I still run just as much, whinge as much (if not more) and curse my paternal grandmothers genes just as much as ever!

But, I am slack in the blogging arena of late and I apologise profusely. I have picked up an extra day at work and Bob now sleeps in the room which houses the computer. I am determined not to let this fall by the way-side though so I am going to make a concerted effort to update with a decent blog at least once a week. Weight loss and exercise are very much a daily frustration/lesson for me so there is more to be said!

We are off to Fiji on Tuesday - HOORAY. I have two sets of swimmers picked out and have been mentally prepping myself for the confidence to wear both without a kaftan over top! I can't wait. Muscle Man keeps lamenting to me that he is looking forward to a whole week off exercise, I lament back that I am looking forward to crisp morning runs along Fijian beaches (that and the cocktails).

I haven't been jogging outside to much at the moment as I have a seriously debilitating fear of Magpies (anyone else?). Sexy Twin on the other hand thinks she is the Maggie whisperer and runs with them daily. She takes their swooping her as a sign of encouragement and runs faster (more like runs away...).

I am thinking it's almost time to either upgrade my faithful treadmill or invest in another piece of equipment. Maybe a x-trainer. Any thoughts? I am also determined to start attending at least 1 pump class at the gym per week with Muscle Man. I simply HATE weights and yet I completely recognise their benefits.

On another note if anyone wants to pay for me to have liposuction and a boob job, feel free!!

Until next time, Bula Vinaka - Am off for the morning run!

My Sexy Twin complex

Being a twin has always come with the assumption that we choose to dress the same, speak the same, indulge in the same guilty pleasures and essentially that we are one personality in two bodies. When we were younger we revelled in this assumption because naturally being twins, we played the part. We were so accustomed to being identified as one person that at such a tender age, we knew no different than to accept the public perception and be “one”.

There is no doubt that being twins there is an unmistakable bond. We have a relationship that stems from the very core of our beings. A relationship that unlike any other comes with an undeniable oneness that no matter how we might try, we can not deny the fact that we are bound by something instinctive, something primal.

What then is the issue you may wonder? Well with social assumption comes pressure and to a large extent it has also potentially defined the way which I (and possibly sexy twin) view myself – both individually and comparatively. When you are expected to be the same, shouldn't you look the same too?

At the moment sexy twin is looking mighty tiny and I must admit that over the last few weeks I have found myself feeling like the “fat twin” again. Feelings which are reminiscent of years gone by. Growing up it was not uncommon to be told that she was the "skinnier" twin, naturally sparking a personal assumption that I must have been the "fatter" one of the pair.

The thing is, whether it is a twin, a friend, a sister, a mother, a movie star or simply Mary, Marg or Mollie next door, there are times in our lives when we do compare ourselves to others. In many ways how could we not when we are inundated with images of thin, toned, tanned women wearing string bikinis or LBD's (little black dresses), lying on a deck chair and having any male (or 4 litre container of castrol oil) within a 5 mile radius drooling.

Women of today are set up to believe that this is the way we should look. These images are defining the way in which we view not only ourselves but also the way we view others. It certainly makes it hard when in one advertisement we have waif like models swanning around on a cat-walk for "who wants to be a supermodel" and typically the very next advert will be for Jenny Craig. How can we possibly deny the subliminal messages which are being transmitted directly to our fragile 'trying-to-lose-weight' minds.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely acknowledge we have an obesity epidemic in this country, surely we all realise it. I'm personally not sure of the answer but one thing I am increasingly aware of is the need to teach self-respect, self-belief and a genuine understanding of health before teaching that a size 10 is the only way to be healthy or attractive. Perhaps to some extent my own perceptions are marred by my pessimism that society really does understand the pressure we place on young girls/women these days when it comes to body image.

Whatever the soap-box I am standing on this week, deep down I do know unequivocally that Sexy twin loves me unconditionally for me. She would never ever look at me as the “fat twin”. I also know that she would never consider herself the image, or model of what she and I should look like. I guess realistically this is yet another issue with battling the bulge. Learning to change our social and personal perception and, or, belief regarding the female form and the shape which it should allegedly take.

The weird thing about my own perception is that I often look at myself and wish to change my shape but then my shape is actually the shape I love the most on women in today’s society!

I guess that there is yet another example of my own body dysmorphia! Naturally I blame the media ;o)

A not so subtle sign!

This morning when I went to clean my teeth in the bathroom I noticed my scales were wet. Using my powers of investigation (i.e. asking the males in my life what happened) I was able to deduce that Jim had pee'd on them! Now Jim has been toilet trained for over 6 months so I can only assume this is his way of telling me he loves me just the way I am and to abandon the scales ;o)

He's a keeper!

Spring has Sprung

Spring has finally sprung, and for me, alongside spring comes a new vigour to enjoy life and smell the roses. I have found myself walking outside the last few days with a goofy-half-cocked smile on my face and a renewed feeling of health, well-being and motivation.

Maybe I love spring so much because in my family it represents so much life. Sexy Twin and I share a birthday in October. My Dad, younger sister, two youngest brothers, one niece, one nephew, and of course MY newest baby Bob, are also all born in spring.

Walk around any lake or parkland and you'll likely see baby ducklings, smell daffodils or John quills blooming; and living in the Nations Capital we are inundated with delicious smelling cherry blossoms and golden wattle. What's not to love. (Muscle Man just said hayfever! Condolences to all you sufferers)

It does however also mark the season when every second advertisement on TV is for weight loss clinics, meal replacement diets, gyms, pills or over the counter diet cures and every other "miracle cure, lose weight fast scheme". Let's be honest, in many ways it is the perfect time to start advertising these items. People are painfully aware that summer is nearly upon us and with that particular season comes the threat of swimmers, shorts, sleeveless tops and sadly for me - regular leg shaving (so lazy through winter!).

In my pre-fab days, I dreaded the onslaught of slender girls with long tanned appendages wearing 1/3rd of the clothing I was. I dreaded the thought of shopping for summer clothes; painfully aware muffins were a winter food and not a flattering look when displayed on your mid-section.

I dreaded the fact that my peers would be frolicking around in the waves on beach weekends away, and Sunday picnics to the local river, whilst I would be sitting on shore nursing my low self-esteem and rapidly diminishing levels of fun. I dreaded summer nights out when girlfriends would be dressed in flowing, slender summer dresses and if lucky, I'd have found a suitable kaftan. I am sure whenever there is something you fear, the world conspires against you and suddenly it's all you see. Swimmers, dresses, singlets, shorts, BIKINI'S would chase me in my summer night dreams.

Well, let's not let this summer be like that. Let's not let our fears, rational or otherwise, see us racing to the cupboard for a handful of chocolate and a smattering of chips whenever the word "shorts" is heard. Let's make this Spring season the start of brisk walks outside, indulging in fresh salads and ripe fruits, taking in the beauty of life and making genuine changes to ensure an enjoyable summer, now and for many more to come.

My best Spring tips to prepare for a beaut summer:

1: Take advantage of the extra warmth and light we currently have. Aim to walk for a minimum of 20 minutes during your day. If you work, go for a walk in your lunch break or after work before the last light. If you are home with kidlets aim to take them to the park a few times a week. Maybe try a different park every 2nd day and try and add an extra 5 minutes to your walk.

2: Start making salads for lunch. Salads can be interesting (although we all know you don't make friends with salad). Add sliced mushrooms, a spoonful of corn kernels, a tin of tuna, cherry tomatoes, a sprinkle of lite feta cheese, pinenuts, and english spinach or rocket for something new.

3: Spend a few minutes each day taking some deep breaths and stretching. As you do so focus on the fact that you CAN achieve your goals without the aid of marketing and scare tactics (i.e diet pills and shakes).

4: Visualise yourself at goals. Imagine yourself strutting the beach in your shorts. Imagine yourself in that summer dress or flowing skirt. Then set realistic time frames to those goals. Allow yourself time to enjoy life, indulge when you want too, and rest when you need. Moderation truly is the key.

5: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! We can be our own worst enemy but also our biggest strength. Make the choice to be your biggest strength.

Remember - smelling the roses is a cliche, but it's a tried, tested and true one (in my opinion!).

Blast from the past!

Tonight as I lazed around the house in a t-shirt and trackies I heard Muscle Man's teasing voice; "I remember when that t-shirt was tight on you". "Pardon" I say, "please elaborate" (wish I hadn't said that).

Anyway, he is quite right I do still have a number of clothes (mainly in the daggy variety) that I have kept and wear on the odd occasion (such as having done no washing all week). I must admit after the initial "Are you saying I was fat" (of course I was fat but he was not supposed to notice!!) I decided to take the obligatory before and after photo to compare!

Judge for yourself :)

Disclaimer: Top photo - clearly I had NO fashion sense, hence the reflective aluminium sunglasses.
Second photos: DAGGING it up around the house includes no makeup which means no face!

My 'weighty' advice!

One of the most common questions I am asked in regards to losing weight is “How did you do it?”

I myself used to ask this question of people who had lost weight. When I asked it though what I was really hoping to hear was the magic potion. The secret answer to simplistic and fast weight loss. Essentially I wanted what most of us do – A quick fix!

I must admit that even now there are times when I am asked and I hesitate before responding with the truth – hard work, sacrifice, and sheer determination. I recall personally wanting the answer to be something I could actually walk away from hearing with a renewed glimmer of hope that I too could achieve that (with minimal effort on my part).

For this reason sometimes I wish I had a magic answer I could impart for the benefit and ease of others. Sadly though the reality is that however you look at it, long-term weight loss and health are simply not things, which come with a quick fix. At some point sweat will have to be induced and foods controlled.

None the less I have some tips, which have made the ‘journey’ easier, and less regimented:

1: If you are a lover of chocolate and like me can’t always control the quantity you consume, find a substitute. Chocolate-coated liquorice, air whipped chocolate mousse, a lite hot chocolate, and carob just to name a few! Also, consider having dark chocolate with a higher cocoa content.

2: Savoury – I am admittedly a big sucker for salty chips. Salt and vinegar are the best! Whilst it’s not chips I do enjoy a good crunchy carrot cut into sticks and eaten with a lite humus or tomato salsa. Celery is just as good and a very low cal snack! Plain rice crackers are not bad either!

3: Hot chips – Another weakness of mine that has been substituted with home made ‘tata chips. Peel and roughly chop a spud. Lightly toss chips through mixed herbs, a dash of olive oil (or oil spray) and a sprinkle of sea salt. Cook in a moderate oven until nice and crispy!

4: Drink tea or have a glass of water just before you eat. A cuppa is great for suppressing deceiving hunger pangs, as it needs to be sipped slowly. In the time it takes you to drink your tea can really consider either how hungry you are or how much you want that 2nd helping.

5: Popcorn is a great low fat snack and can be purchased in individual snack size packs. Sprinkle with a little season-all or chicken salt for that extra tang!

6: Change white refined carbohydrates to multigrain or brown. Small changes can make a huge difference. Swap the white bread for multi-grain as a start and then work on the brown rice.

7: Replace soft drinks for mineral water. If you want a sweet kick to your bubbles add a splash of cordial. This small change has the potential to save HEAPS of wasted calories! I use a reduced sugar cordial such as Cottee’s diet and find this has well and truly eliminated fizzy drink cravings.

8: Pack food away before you unintentionally have that second helping. For example If you are making a sandwich at lunch make sure you pack all the ingredients away before you sit down to enjoy lunch. You are more likely to eat more if the food is still out and visible. Packing it away signals your portion size is sufficient. If you have a salad sandwich add an apple or banana to your plate to really help fill you up and signify what you are eating and how much.

9: Use fresh fruit for juice. Instead of buying pre-made juices, such as orange, pick up a bag of Valencia oranges and enjoy the real thing! Packed with more vitamin c and less sugar, you can’t go wrong.

10: Be organised. I am a big believer in the Weight Watchers saying; if you fail to plan, you plan to fail! Make healthy snacks and lunches in advance. If you are anything like me you have a propensity to eat whatever is in sight when hungry so being organised can save an “eat everything in sight” binge!

So, what’s your best tip?

Battle of the bulge, or mind?

So, indulge me; is the battle of the bulge really just the battle of the mind?

Today as I was enduring what can only be described as a gruelling, tortuous run, I was pondering to myself why is it that sometimes I can run the same path and feel as light as a cloud, and other times I require a defibrillator and well…basically a whole new body.

Sure there are certainly factors other than my mental state of mind at the time which can impact upon my run. At present I have a nagging head cold which in true Canberra winter style would like to stick around just to remind me how cold and miserable a long winter can feel by the end. As if trying to think through a heady haze of fog was not bad enough, the last few day’s I’ve tried to run through it also.

Yes, I have no doubt that some external factors can play a part in battling the bulge, but essentially external factors aside, in general when it comes to battling the bulge, where does the biggest battle really lie?

When we reach for the extra slice of pizza at dinner, or grab another handful of m&m’s whilst watching TV, what state of mind are we in? When we try on our tenth pair of jeans convinced we look fat in ALL of them, what state of mind are we in? When we self-critique as we look in the mirror and focus on all the personally identifiable flaws, what state of mind are we in? Or when we compare ourselves to Sexy Twin’s convinced we are twice their size, what state of mind are we in then?

Surely if we could abandon all these mental triggers and messages, the battle would be won? The choice to lose weight would be as simple as that. A mere thought that came to fruition because the biggest battle no longer existed and action immediately followed without thoughts of failure, or past incidence.

How many times have you said “this is my year, this is my time”. How many times have you started a ‘diet’ or decided that the time was upon you to make real and consistent changes? If you are anything like me, it’s too many to count.

All too often I would start a new day with a fresh approach. Determined this was the start of the real thing. This WAS the time I was going to lose weight. This diet would work. They never did. I never intentionally set out to sabotage myself, but I can see in hindsight that more often than not I was. The mental battle was already lost before the physical one had even begun.

So what am I saying? Well, I guess in many ways I am suggesting that a mental health check has to occur for many of us before a physical one can follow. For some people it really is as simple as eliminating those m&m’s from the diet. For some the adage that simply eating less to lose weight is true.

For others however, and for me personally, it’s so much more than what I consume. It’s equally if not more, about the exercise and, more importantly - the thought. Exercise is something I can control. It is something that I can conquer, and as a result, it is something I have self pride in afterwards. Sure, I feel pleased with myself when I resist the urge to binge, but unlike pushing myself on a good strong run, simply not eating a TimTam doesn’t come with the added bonus of endorphins.

There is barely a day that goes by that I don’t spend a large portion of that day talking myself in and out of exercise. I negotiate with myself over having ‘days off’. I negotiate with myself over where to run, what time and for how long. Usually it comes down to a simple case of running out of time and hence the only solution is to get running.

For me, when it comes to food, I don’t seem to negotiate. I eat it or I don’t. I feel some guilt, or I don’t.

As I was running along the ridge today, I was fighting all sorts of mental demons. “Just stop, it won’t matter. Turn around, go home. You deserve a day off. You have a sore throat. You need to rest. You’re too bloated to run today, you look like a walrus trying to chase a seal. Save yourself the embarrassment”. This is only a snippet of the thoughts unfurling in my head as I continued to push myself, and my legs, to finish the run I had started. Naturally the minute I arrived home and received CPR from Muscle Man (I mean it, resuscitation was required), I was elated I had run and felt a huge sense of pride and of course my runners high.

Some days running feels superb and I literally run with a smile wide across my face. The thoughts streaming through my head on these days are about my strength, my success, the enjoyment and self satisfaction I feel during and afterwards. These days my mental state, my mind, is clear and kind.

So why somedays am I mentally so 'in tune'. So prepared. Why others am I in desperate need of my own Tony Robbins and a kick up the bum to boot (both to get running and to be kind!).

Of course, it’s all SO much greater than just my run. It’s how I speak to myself mentally every day. Some days the battle feels won. Some days I think that I have all my monkeys on my back sorted and the “fat girl” I saw myself as for so long, is gone. Other days it’s so fresh I can almost literally feel the weight of her sitting on my left shoulder, whispering into my ear reminding me I have flaws (and flab).

Sadly the reality is I don’t have all the answers. The battle is yet to be won and I know all too well that it’s a daily challenge to eat well, to move more - and above all, to love myself for who I am, outside as well as in.

Sometimes I wonder if I had lost a really, really significant amount of weight (i.e. 30- 50 kilos) would I still feel this way? Or would the changes be so incredibly obvious I couldn’t possibly be disappointed with what I saw? But then surely it all comes back to the battle of the mind doesn’t it. In my mind I want to see myself as a svelte, taut, Gillian Michael's (USA Biggest Loser). Heck, wouldn’t we all in our minds eye?

So then, can someone tell me how to remove my minds eye?