Taking the Challenge Part 2:

Week 1 -Day 1 (Thursday 22nd January 2009):

Work was busy today, which meant my mind was busy also.

It is a daily occurrence for me to doubt myself or criticise my appearance and sadly to be
completely honest, today has been no exception. In my own defence, I made a deliberate decision to stop the negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirming thoughts. For example, around 3pm when the inevitable sugar craving overcame me and my thoughts turned
to the consequential cellulite on my thighs and my ever-present love handles, I decided not to
succumb to the feelings of failure that can overwhelm me in the presence of chocolate. Instead I reminded myself that a quick stretch and walk around the office would help get the blood flowing and distract my mind from the blasted fundraising chocolate every office has, and shouldn’t!
Success!! Instead of giving in to the Mars Bar with my name on it, I took the lift down the 7 floors to the ground level and then turned around and walked UP the 112 (I counted as I walked) stairs back to my desk. I felt positive about this step, no matter how small and insignificant it
may have seemed at the time.

Outcome of Day 1 – although at times the negativity made itself known, simply having prepared myself for it’s assault and pre-planning my subsequent attack, I really did feel better and a little more in control of these thoughts and my reaction to them.

So far so good!

Week 1 - Days 2-4 (Friday 23rd January – Sunday 25th January 2009):

I’m trying to remain committed to this task and am therefore loathe to record the excuses as to my lack of diarising the last few days. None the less, being a working mother of 2 young boys, a
social butterfly (Australia Day and nieces 2nd birthday fit into this) and a hopeless diary writer at the best of times, I must confess I am wondering if I will find this task harder than I gave myself initial credit for. Then again, I deemed myself a failure from the outset so even keeping record 3 times a week would be a success for me!

I have eaten well the last few days and been jogging each day. Running is my outlet. I hate
it and love it with equal passion. I hate it because it’s hard work; I love it because, who doesn’t find the end of hard work satisfying?

I’ve been an avid runner for 2 years now, only taking a short sabbatical for the last trimester of Bob's pregnancy. I must admit though that I have also recognised that in order to help clear my mind of negative thoughts I also need to find some balance in the pressure I place on myself to run every day of the week. Challenge # 2 – try some new exercises and allow myself resting times during the week. Jogging is not the be all end all, and does not need to be!

Week 1- Day 7 (Tuesday 27th January 2009) – 1 week down. 5 to go.

Today I went for a bike ride after work. Muscle Man and I loaded the boys into their bike
trailer and rode around the local lake. It felt great to have the fun and family time and all whilst setting an example of health and fitness to my sons. All in all week 1 of this challenge has given me a level of accountability to at very least, try and do what I say/challenge myself to do.

I have still to some degree been allowing negative self-talk to occasionally frame my thoughts, but I must admit that knowing I will come home to write about it is like a gentle reminder to change the thought and transform it into something wholesome.

Maybe this won’t be as hard as I thought?!

Taking the Challenge!

At the start of the year I undertook to participate in the Readers Digest Health Smart Magazine, Health Smart Challenge (try saying that 6 times over and fast!).

The idea of the challenge being to take a health related issue, i.e quit smoking, lose some weight, give up caffeine (NO WAY) and embark on the challenge for a period of 6 weeks. During the 6 weeks entrants were required to journal some of their experiences and essentially write about our outcome at the end of the 6 weeks. How we found the challenge, the strengths, weaknesses, results and so forth.

Well, I decided that my personal challenge would be surrounding "mental health" and focus specifically on what was, and has been, my biggest health challenge for some time now. Body Image.

Much to my absolute shock, I WON!! And trust me, I was shocked. I can list the things I have won in my life on 1 hand. A paper back book when I was 10 called "Ip-dip-sky-Blue' (Yep, it was as good as the title ;o) ), and a $2 scratchie. Oh, I can also add the one occasion I won a meat tray at the local club's raffle!

To win this competition is the creme De Le creme! I won it for being me! I'm not even going to try and filter the arrogance that comment exudes! I did. There was no luck, no lack of entrants, and no bribing the judges (I've never done that with success by the way). I won for honestly sharing my struggles, thoughts, emotions and feelings. YAY ME!

Next months magazine will have an excerpt from my entry but I also wanted to share my entry on here, in full, for anyone who may be struggling with body image as I did/have/do.

It's quite long, so I shall include it in installments :) Enjoy.

My Health Smart Challenge

Start: Wednesday 21st January 2009

OK, so I’ve decided to take part in the ‘Health Smart’ challenge. I must admit I hadn’t given the idea much thought when I sent an email requesting an entry form. All I know is I quite like the Health Smart magazine, and heck, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the idea of a week at a health spa is so incredibly appealing right now.

So, where do I begin? Well perhaps I should start this online diary (if I can call it that) with a little about myself and perhaps what my goals are during this next 6 or so weeks.

My name is ALFIE, I am a 26 year old mother of two boys, JIM who is 4 and BOB who is 1. I have been married (mostly happily) to MUSCLE MAN for 6 years in March and like most Canberran’s I am a dutiful Public Servant. I am also a self-confessed weight loss junky and the bearer of what can only be called ‘low self-esteem’. The frustration with this is that I have over the past 2.5 yrs lost and maintained a weight loss of 20+ kilos. I have kept an online blog of my achievements (fitandfabmamma@blogspot.com ) and tried as honestly as possible to share and learn from my own experiences in relation to weight loss and body image. More recently (from around December) I’ve felt myself sliding backwards in terms of my own body image and what I call my ‘self-talk’.

I have without doubt changed my lifestyle considerably and yet I simply cannot deny the fact that my mind and I guess my ‘minds-eye’, have not changed to the extent I would like. Rather, I am for the most part trapped seeing myself as the ‘fat-girl’ I was. I must confess there is also another facet to these feelings – I am an identical twin. Therein lies what I would personally deem to be the most significant issue for me. The term ‘identical’ is almost redundant in the case of my twin and I. You see, she is and always has been the ‘skinny’ twin. A fact that I not only note with lingering resentment but that others have at times felt the need to highlight.

Growing up it was not uncommon for SEXY TWIN and I to hear comments to the effect of “So Alfie is the prettier of the two, and Sexy Twin is the slender one”. The word 'pretty' was completely lost on me and instead the only word my brain seemed to compute was the word ‘slender’. My logic at the time was to analyse the comment and assume the deliverer of this statement was calling me fat!

Without going into the finer details of my weight loss I’ll simply state that despite losing weight and gaining a level of fitness, I never in my wildest dreams believed was attainable, I am still in my mind stuck in the rut I was for the majority of my life, the fat mind.

So with that said, I guess my own desires for undertaking the Health Smart challenge are not specific to weight loss or fitness, but rather my own personal desire to change the way I see myself. The way I talk to myself. The constant stream of negative thoughts and commentary I play over and over again and the personal comparisons I make between my twin sister and I. My goal is to be healthy in mind, and body.

I cannot deny that even as I type this I am questioning my own commitment to the task. I sit here already berating myself for past failures and allowing the self doubt and negativity to make itself known, again! In this light my first challenge is to try and go one day (to start) without doubting my ability. Starting tomorrow I’m going to bolster my self-belief and challenge myself to be smart about my health, specifically my mental health. I am going to make an effort to compliment myself tomorrow and banish, or change, the negative thoughts which may creep
(more like seep) into my day.

(Names changed to fit the blog) :)

Stay tuned for more....

My Personal Best!

Sometimes I get so caught up in thinking of the things I want to achieve that I fail to stop and really think about the things I HAVE achieved. Know the feeling?

One of the pearls of wisdom my psychologist (at least I'm not saying my "Jenny" consultant these days) is helping to instill in me is the ability to think rationally about the things which I know to be true. Things such as the distance I have come with my weight loss, the changes I have made in my lifestyle (such as eating celery without firstly dipping it in a jar of Nutella), the example I am setting for my children. When I rationalise these things I can't help but give myself the credit I deserve!

Two years ago the only thing I was able to run was a tab at the local Pub. Oh OK, and a temperature. These days I can run a smooth 6 kilometres on any given day of the week and do so in what I consider a bloody good time!

Last night (as per most) I dashed home from work, ripped my clothes off and hurriedly slapped on my gym pants, singlet and iPod before racing out the door in order to catch the very last rays of light. Now in the past I've made no secret of the fact that sometimes when I run I feel like an elephant with every single ripple of skin, fat and muscle billowing around me - think parachute. Sometimes my body feels strong and I really believe my legs are magnificent pistons smoothly pushing through their paces and carrying me the distance - and then I hear myself breathing and wonder when I suddenly became asthmatic. And then sometimes I also have superb runs where everything works in sync - mind, body, breath. The works. Last night was that run!

Last night I ran 5.6 kilometres in 23 minutes.

I realise of course that this is never going to win me a place on the Olympic sprinting team. In fact it's unlikely I would even qualify for a Little Athletics carnival, but heck as far as I am concerned I am Marion Jones in my own backyard (OK, minus the drug scandal).

Roughly 2 years ago the exact track I ran last night in 23 minutes took me 45! When I first started jogging this track I had snails glide past me at a faster pace. From the outset it would have looked like I was running away from something rather than towards it, and it would have sounded as though I was the big bad wolf attempting to blow a house of bricks down! Last night I felt so good and strong that I don't even mind telling you when I came home I thought I was Rocky, and heck, I still do!

I have reached a personal best - and you know the very best part? I know I can still do even better :o)

"I'll have what she's having"

Does anyone remember the TV advertisement which contained this slogan?

If my memory serves me correctly (which let's be honest after having Jim and Bob it probably doesn't) it was a Special K advert or similar. Well whatever the product was, I must admit that I find myself thinking and feeling this quite a bit lately.

I've found myself guilty of looking at weight loss gimmicks, advertisements, shakes, pills, potions and basically anything which I would ordinarily associate as a 'quick fix' and wishing I could indulge myself! Some days the actual work that is required to maintain my health and fitness just seems like a royal pain in the arse, and just once I wish a 'quick fix' could be the final answer!

Last week I found myself day-dreaming about a vast array of pills and potions all which promise to curb ones appetite, speed up your metabolism, melt kilos off your body; and if this wasn't good enough - increase your sex drive! Ding Ding Ding we have a winner!

Well despite the very appealing promises these magic pills claim to possess, I must admit when it comes down to it, they really aren't for me. Why? Well a few reasons really:

#1: To me they are like the easy way out. The shortcut in the road if you will. And yes, I could take a shortcut but then I know that I AM capable of working up a sweat myself (with the exception of the bedroom), I DO feel better after I exercise and make smarter choices regarding the food I put into my body, and I KNOW that at the very heart of the issue, it's not about weight loss but rather health, happiness and the example I am setting for my family; and,

#2: the second reason, and at times probably my saving grace, is that I am still breastfeeding Bob at least once a day. Heck, I'd be high as a kite off a codral these days let alone something called a hydroxy-something-or-other which states it contains 100 different sorts of ginseng, gurana and caffeine to boot!

I guess what I am getting at is that the choice to be healthy and change your lifestyle is constant. Somehow I had fooled myself into thinking that once I lost the desired weight I'd be able to settle back into my old ways again. Slothing it up on the couch, eating whatever I desired and only working up a sweat when slurping cocktails on tropical islands with the sun beaming down upon me (OK, that part is still a dream). What I hadn't seriously taken into consideration was the fact that for the rest of my life I would be working at this game called health. It's no longer about losing weight, now it's about keeping fit and living the fullest life I can. A healthy, active life.

To be completely honest some weeks the absolute last thing I feel like doing is exercise. Some days (like yesterday) I want to fall into a chocolate induced coma. Some times I want to be sloth like and lift nothing more than food to my mouth and the boys for a cuddle - But, those days are fleeting because the choice to live means the choice for health and the choice for health means moving more and eating less. What's your choice?