I want my cake, damnit!

Don't you just hate the age old saying "You can't have your cake and eat it too". Or how about another pearler "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels". Yeah right! Obviously the creator of that saying hasn't tried a creme brulee ever in their life. Heck, I've even eaten things more delicious than my skinniest-ever-day (birth) during college. Granted a certain kind of grass might have had something to do with that but none the less the point is these sayings SUCK!

Why am I so adverse to these throw away comments now you may wonder? Well it's simple: tonight is "weigh in day" at my "I'm a food addict anonymous" meeting and I suspect that rather than loosing weight this week, I have actually gained some!

I was feeling a little 'blow-fish' like yesterday but thought it was nothing that a good ol' fart and a good nights sleep couldn't fix. Wrong. Today is no better and I both farted and slept well. Doh!

So why the weight gain this week? Well I suspect the reason is because I wanted, and did eat my cake.

I know. I know. How many times have I said that I need to eat less and move more blah blah blah. The last two weeks I was pretty good at taking my own advice on board and even this week I wasn't too bad, but at some point (Saturday night: bottle of red wine) I let my guard down and indulged my taste buds. Naturally the following morning I required a hot breakfast to soak up the wine (it was either that or a hair of the dog). Oh, and lest we forget the 6-year-long tradition of Desperate Housewives night with Sexy Twin and cheese. Yep, that may not have helped either. Talk about confessions of a food-aholic!

So tonight I am preparing myself for my confessional. Inevitably it will ensue as follows:

"Hi I'm Alfie and I'm addicted to food"

Everyone in the room nods somberly as they say "Hi Alfie"

Me: "This week I ate my weight in bacon, I dreamt my pillow was a giant marshmallow and when I woke up I was eating my sheet. The following day I spent time at my desk dreaming of a custard filled canolli I saw at the Cafe downstairs which then led to thoughts of Italian food. Lashings of pasta, profiteroles and LARGE servings with a Nonna standing over me forcing me to "eat, eat something". Somehow these thoughts then turned to chips - they always do - and I found myself stroking the chip machine and whispering sweet nothings in the display window".

Hmm, I think tonight I'll just use my "No weigh" pass!