Taking the challenge part 3:

Week 2 - Day 8 - 14 (Wednesday 28th January – Tuesday 3rd February 2009):

This week was not a good week for me :o( My period arrived and even as I write the following, I regret the thoughts forming in my mind – I hate myself during this time of the month. My hormones just rage. I feel bloated. I suffer from dry, acne prone skin and basically I am an ogre towards Muscle Man. The poor guy can almost sense when my period is on it’s way purely based on how I start to treat myself and in turn, him. I changed my clothes this morning a hundred times (3rd Feb), typically settling on the very first outfit I donned – what a bloody waste of time and energy all the in-between outfits were. Not to mention I now have a bedroom resembling a clothing clearance sale in Myers.

When I decided to start this challenge, I made a decision to myself that I wouldn’t lie. I decided that I would record the good, the bad and the ugly. This week was downright ugly. I must confess I spent a good 10 minutes in the shower yesterday crying over the stretch marks on my stomach, the wobble in my bottom when I run, the complete lack of tone in my upper thighs and perhaps most embarrassing, the lack of left breast (yep, just the left) as a result of nursing two children. After turning the water off and letting the last tear wash down the drain I made a decision. It’s time to see a psychologist. I simply cannot go through the rest of my life with this weight around my neck (or as I perceive it, my waist).

Week 3 - Day 16 (Thursday 5th February 2009)

Jogged today, ate really well. Wrote some affirming thoughts in my food journal, as follows;

Things I like about me:

1: My brain. I am a smart, articulate woman.
2: My ability to provide love and security to my children.
3: My commitment to my marriage
4: My loyalty. My friends and family love me for who I am and can always trust I’ll be there for them.
5: My body’s ability to nurture my children. From conception to birth and beyond.
6: My strength – I constantly underestimate my own strength. Both physical and emotional. I need to reflect on it more often.
7: My fitness – I AM fit! I CAN run, I CAN lift weights, I CAN reach goals!


Week 3 – Day 20 (Monday 9th February 2009):

Phoned to make an appointment with a psychologist today. She is on leave until the end of February. Simply making the phone call made me feel strong. Like I’d taken the first step in the right direction. A step for me. A real step towards long-term change.

I’ve also been keeping a food journal for the past week or so, I figure at very least it can serve as a reminder that I do make smart choices and should applaud myself for these choices. Choices I AM in control of. My food journal has also served as a diary also and I’ve taken to occasionally recording my thoughts, feelings and actions in addition to here.

Week 4 – Day 25 (Saturday 14th February 2009):

I’ve decided to place words of affirmation around my house – predominantly in the places I possibly need them the most – MIRRORS (oh, and by the fridge/pantry). So far so good!! I have found myself repeating these ‘mantras’ at work. I’m also reminding myself of my all time favourite mantra “Why put off till tomorrow, that which I can do today”.

Week 4 Day 28 (Tuesday 17th February 2009):

Sexy Twin came over today and looked like a million bucks! Damn her! Muscle Man sensing what I was obviously thinking told me after she had left that I look healthy and that health is more important than whether the latest fashion (i.e. skinny jeans) suits my figure. I made a concerted effort to listen to his words and remind myself of the journey I have travelled and the changes I have made.

I wish I didn’t feel this way about Sexy Twin. We share such a special bond and deep down I know that she doesn’t look at me and think the thoughts I do of myself. I also need to think about the impact I am having on our relationship. I am almost certain that she can sense my envy of her and yet, all it does is serve to put a wall between us.

My next challenge is to learn to value our differences, the things that make us unique. I need to let go of my perception that socially we are expected to be one in the same. I need to love her for who she is exactly as I expect her to feel towards me.

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