False Advertising

"Do you want fries with that"

Tonight as I was on the treadmill, cursing every blasted step, and trying to distract myself from the agony that was my run by watching Neighbours (honestly I don't know which was worse, the run or the soapy) an advertisement came on TV for Donut King.

Imagine four waif-thin, blond, attractive girls wearing nothing but gold hot pants (enough said) and a pink singlet with "DK" planted squarely in the centre of perky bosoms (Yes, of this detail I am jealous). Now visualise these size 8, never-eaten-a-donut-in-our-life girls doing something I can only liken to synchronised swimming - on land - with a donut in hand, floral shower cap atop their perfect, skinny heads and I imagine (iPod was on) fluffy, feel-good music in the background.

"PEOPLE, THIS IS NOT REALITY"

All I generally feel when I indulge in anything from Donut King is regret. I've certainly never morphed into Tara Reid (actually...thank god) and my dancing skills and athletic prowess do not suddenly become Olympic-worthy as I taste the last morsel of my cinnamon dipped fat.

Alas, this is not the only advertisement of this nature. McDonald's, Coca Cola, Hungry Jacks, Red Rooster - you name it - they all do it.

McDonald's latest campaign resting heavily on the idea that McDonald's equals a good family time. Granted some of my own childhood memories contain family outings to McD's but I personally think this has more to do with being 1 of six children in a single-income family than a parental desire to bond over a Big Mac.

Coca-Cola another classic example - almost every Coke advert displays bikini clad women frolicking in the waves on a summer's day, sun glistening off the water and into the twinkling eye of the nearest Afro-haired, young lad whose life is about to change thanks to a fizzy drink so potent it could clean your driveway!

Of course to be fair, I get it. Sex sells. Sexy sells. Rich marketing executives of adverts such as these, are undoubtedly sitting in their penthouses paying there personal chefs and trainers, using the money spent from social misconception that donuts will inspire synchronised swimming, McDonald's will bring a family closer together, and Coke will solidify your love life - or at least guarantee a fun day at the beach.

But, let's be real about this for 5 minutes and imagine this was the advertisement. I wonder what would sell then?

And simply because you can't beat the Japanese hilarity of this advert - which would actually succeed in turning me off also!

Measures of success

If you are anything like me, the chances are you have possibly set your weight loss goals on a specific number. Your ideal weight.

For years now I've been hung up on this elusive number. The weight I envision myself in my wildest dreams (these dreams also include a long and sexy persuit (and trist) with Wentworth Miller where I am the envy of woman worldwide). The reality is of course that the number I'd previously set my sights on is the digit I weighed at the tender age of 10! Completely unrealistic, especially if I want to be more than a skeleton with a tent of skin!

One thing I've started realising and actually put more stock in of late is other tangible measures of success. How do I feel? How do my clothes look and fit? Do I have muscles other than the one I flap about daily in my mouth? Do I have some general tone where a muscle should be? What are my measurements? How fit have I become?

Since taking these factors into consideration I have become accutely aware of the many and varied ways in which I can feel great about myself and see changes in my body.

One tiny (ironic at a Weight Watchers meeting) flaw I have found with Weight Watchers is the value they place in stepping on those blasted scales each week. I understand of course that at some of their meetings there are simply to many 'watchers' to faciliate anything other than a quick date with the scales and a number presented to you in your pocket book. Nonetheless, I am all to aware that the faces of my fellow weighers reflect the success or failure they feel they have had based solely on the digits now presented to them in smudged black pen!

It is entirely possible, and often likely, that weight-loss success will not be reflected with an actual body mass loss. Sometimes it's possible to lose size around your mid-section, or gain a lovely toned calf (maybe even 2) without seeing that reflected on the scales.

Muscle Man has the right idea in my opinion. He determines his success based on how much of the sun he can block out when he flexes his bicep! I now try and measure my success based on the size of my muffin top - when it's not billowing out of my pants like a sail on a yacht I know I am on track!

I thought it a timely reminder to myself (and possibly my readers) to review my own measurements in this regard:

16 December 2007: June 2009

Waist: 90cm ----------------------> 79cm

Hips: 100.5cm ----------------------> 88cm

Left Arm: 34cm ---------------------> 28cm

Right Arm: 34cm --------------------> 27cm

Left Thigh: 57cm --------------------> 53cm

Right Thigh: 58cm -------------------> 52cm

Right Shin: 38cm --------------------> 33cm

Left Shin: 37cm ---------------------> 34cm

This is a total loss of 54.5cm (and just think, if I included my boobs it would be around the 80 mark!).

Being a numbers gal I'm pretty happy glowing over my 54cm alongside my 20 kilo one ;o)

** The towel rack really is a lovely helper! I often lightly rest my arm on mine if I am after a loss of 500 grams in the space of 20 seconds ;o)

Slow and Steady...

...wins the race!

I've surprised myself with this little fable and wait for it - I actually do believe it!

Three years ago I would have scoffed at this common little saying and defended my fervent belief it was something we say to losers to make them feel better about themselves - and well, their complete lack of speed. I mean c'mon let's face it, the rabbit only lost because he was arrogant and stopped for something to eat (sound familiar?) giving the turtle the opportunity to pass!

However, now days in my 'successful-loser' frame of mind, I have realised the benefits of losing weight slowly and steadily.

I am currently in my 6th week of Weight Watchers and have lost a grand total of 3.8kgs, which also equates to a 5% body fat percentage loss! HOWZAT! (How very 'occa' of me).

Years ago I would have thrown the towel in by now disgusted at my lack of success, based on my own unrealistic goal setting. I was the token Biggest-Loser-watcher who had aspiration's of losing 4 kilos per week and reaching my 20 kilogram weight loss goals within a couple of months. No wonder I quit! I was never before prepared to invest the TIME (or sweat) the task required! After a couple of weeks, I'd be sitting back on my laurels and indulging in my usual lazy ways, cursing my body and it's inability to lose weight. I was never prepared to curse the real source behind my failings - MY inability to put the food down and get off the couch.

Here I am 3 years later and I am still aspiring to get to goal. You know what though, that's A-OK with me! My own experiences have demonstrated to me that realistic weight losses, such as 300 grams per week, are the kind which I can easily maintain and keep off! The fleeting times where I've lost in excess of a kilo are generally the weeks where I congratulate myself with a box of Cadbury Roses (You ought to be congratulated and all that jazz - Oh wait, that catchy little tune was for a butter advert right? Heh, chocolate/butter same consequence) and suffer the following week.

I am currently attending WW's meetings with baby sis, Angel, and some good friends. It's fantastic to have the support network each week. We are like a little bunch of 'weight-loss groupies' all getting together each Wednesday night to cheer each other on with our successes and offering a shoulder (or a carrot stick) for our gains. However, one thing which I have noticed as a distinct difference is that I joyfully-leap off the scales after losing 200 grams feeling elated and letting off a few victory-air punches as I go (after-all, I'm still having my wine with dinner, my treats on occasion and am NOT counting food points as WW's suggest you do). My friends however view a number less then a kilo as a possible failing on their behalf.

It's not their fault of course - socially we are so geared to expect weight loss success to happen instantly. We are so inundated with 'quick fixes' and alternatives to genuine hard-work and self-control that we have come to expect nothing less then success served up in large numbers (like our portion sizes) and instant results. I want to shake them all and remind them how fantastic they are doing - a loss is a loss after all, and in this particular instant I DO believe, in fact I know, that slow and steady does win the weight-loss race!

Australia the Obese Nation. Which statistic are you?

Having been to the U.S. (think Chip & Dale Disneyland photo) I find it hard to fathom how Australia can even fit (pun intended) into the same category of obesity as America does. This is after all America we are talking about. The land of cheese and phillysteaks!

One of my first memories of Disneyland was walking through the golden arches (oh wait, that's McDonald's) and seeing one of the elaborately-dressed-cartoon-like street sellers hoisting a roast turkey leg above their head and insisting fascinated passers by (read me) "Try the giant leg". The term 'giant leg' possibly still proving an understatement. These legs were no ordinary drumstick. These were the stuff pirates are made of!

How do we possibly compare to this? In Australia you're lucky if your Kentucky Fried Chicken drumstick fits into the palm of your hand, let alone being size-equivalent to the length of your own thigh (the irony of course being KFC is American). Australia also does not pride itself on the "Big-Gulp" (as seen below). So where have we gone wrong?

Sadly though, big-gulps and Turkey legs aside Australia is up there in the 'obese nations' category. A report in the Parliament of Australia Parliamentary library states:

Reports of an ‘obesity epidemic’ appear with increasing frequency and rising concern in Australia. Particular attention is given to reports of the accelerating rate of obesity among Australian children. Overweight and obesity in Australia

In the words of Helen Lovejoy "DEAR GOD WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!" (Muscle Man will be very proud of my Simpson's reference!).

A recent survey conducted by the Australian Bureau of Statistics found that 68% of adult men and 55% of adult women were overweight or obese. For children, there was a significant increase in the proportion who are obese from 5.2% in 1995 to 7.8% in 2007/8. The proportion of boys who were obese more than doubled from 4.5% to 9.7% while girls remained unchanged at 5.8%. ABS Health Study

Even more concerning was a recent article printed in the latest edition of Weight Watchers magazine which claims that by 2020, 65% of all Australian children will be overweight or obese. Weight Watchers Online

So with statistics that indicate less Aussie men and women are in a healthy weight range then those who are not, which statistic are you?

For me, I see it as a sad state of affairs regarding the health of our nation that I should pride myself on being in the statistic serving as the minority. Alas, it would seem that with a statistic as low as 45% I should feel proud!

To some extent one could possibly argue that 'weight' does not always accurately reflect health. In this vein I am almost certain if we took a percentage of "healthy-weight-rangers" and looked at their health beyond the digit afforded to them on the scale, we would find that a portion of them were in fact less-healthy than those tipping the scale at the "overweight end". However when it comes down to it, healthy or not, the figures in relation to obesity are startling.

So what can we do?

Well, if I had all the answers I'd be rich and therefore, I imagine I'd be on a holiday in Disneyland at present with Muscle Man, Jim, Bob and a turkey leg. Sadly though the only immediate answers I have is that as a parent, and a person myself, it needs to start at home and it needs to start with SELF. It also needs to start with an honest question, which statistic are you?

I want my cake, damnit!

Don't you just hate the age old saying "You can't have your cake and eat it too". Or how about another pearler "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels". Yeah right! Obviously the creator of that saying hasn't tried a creme brulee ever in their life. Heck, I've even eaten things more delicious than my skinniest-ever-day (birth) during college. Granted a certain kind of grass might have had something to do with that but none the less the point is these sayings SUCK!

Why am I so adverse to these throw away comments now you may wonder? Well it's simple: tonight is "weigh in day" at my "I'm a food addict anonymous" meeting and I suspect that rather than loosing weight this week, I have actually gained some!

I was feeling a little 'blow-fish' like yesterday but thought it was nothing that a good ol' fart and a good nights sleep couldn't fix. Wrong. Today is no better and I both farted and slept well. Doh!

So why the weight gain this week? Well I suspect the reason is because I wanted, and did eat my cake.

I know. I know. How many times have I said that I need to eat less and move more blah blah blah. The last two weeks I was pretty good at taking my own advice on board and even this week I wasn't too bad, but at some point (Saturday night: bottle of red wine) I let my guard down and indulged my taste buds. Naturally the following morning I required a hot breakfast to soak up the wine (it was either that or a hair of the dog). Oh, and lest we forget the 6-year-long tradition of Desperate Housewives night with Sexy Twin and cheese. Yep, that may not have helped either. Talk about confessions of a food-aholic!

So tonight I am preparing myself for my confessional. Inevitably it will ensue as follows:

"Hi I'm Alfie and I'm addicted to food"

Everyone in the room nods somberly as they say "Hi Alfie"

Me: "This week I ate my weight in bacon, I dreamt my pillow was a giant marshmallow and when I woke up I was eating my sheet. The following day I spent time at my desk dreaming of a custard filled canolli I saw at the Cafe downstairs which then led to thoughts of Italian food. Lashings of pasta, profiteroles and LARGE servings with a Nonna standing over me forcing me to "eat, eat something". Somehow these thoughts then turned to chips - they always do - and I found myself stroking the chip machine and whispering sweet nothings in the display window".

Hmm, I think tonight I'll just use my "No weigh" pass!

1.9 kilos down!

Hooray!!

For some time now I've been whinging about those token last 5 kilos that I'd LOVE to lose but really haven't been prepared to give anything up for and as many of you would know, I'm not really a 'diet-kinda-gal'. By admission I have numerous vices, which let's face it - enhance my quality of life. Wine, chocolate, eating out with friends, did I mention wine (only in EVERY SINGLE blog Alfie).

It was becoming a regular occurrence for Muscle Man I to have a conversation similar to this;

Alfie: "Hey Muscle Man, WHY can't I lose 5 kilos?"

Muscle Man: "Do you think the bottle of wine in one hand and the bag of chips in the other might have anything to do with it?"

Alfie: "HOW DARE YOU, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!"

Poor guy.

Thing is though, he was of course partly right. In the last few months (heck, let's say since the silly season otherwise known as Christmas) I have been eating rich and indulgent foods teamed with a beverage of some kind on a weekly, if not daily basis. I live a fairly social life so it's not uncommon to catch up with girlfriends or Sexy Twin on a regular basis, often accompanied by my old friends Camembert, brie, Havarti, Salami and Semillon Sauvignon. Faithful as these friends may be, they really were doing nothing positive for my hips (my lips on the other hand...).

So, what have I done to lose 1.9 kgs you may ask? Well, given my exercise addiction is alive and well (especially since the newest addition to the family arrived....new treadmill) it really comes down to one thing. Eat less (cheese) move more (butt).

I must admit that I am quite capable of doing this on my own, and have done so in the past, but presently I have an amazingly beautiful baby sister who has recently given birth to my first nephew :) # 1 nephew is only 9 weeks old and sadly Angel (baby sisters pseudo name) is on the 'self-beration band wagon'. So, for moral support (and a touch of motivation) I am accompanying her to our local Weight Watchers meetings.

I must admit I was never really a fan of weight watchers (Muscle Man and I even have a code name for it such was our dislike) but in theory the principle behind it is quite good and as far as affordability goes, well it does cater to the masses here.

So, 2 weeks in and I am 1.9kgs down - GO ME!!!

The only down-side with WW's is that I'm the token 'watcher' who hoards her spare points for Friday night's dates with old friends! Let's face it - some habits never die!

The good ol' before and after pics!

Cause let's face it, we all love em!

So, a close up of the one featured in the magazine for you and also my old trusty Chip and Dale at Disney Land! You can decide who is Chip and who is Dale ;o)

NB: First pic was PRE kids. 2nd was post Jim. 3rd was Muscle Man's and my 6th Wedding anniversary in March this year.

In Print!

Well, it's hit the stands and in print!! I apologise for the quality, I don't have a scanner so a dodgy photo will have to suffice for now :o)

Health Smart Magazine - June/July 2009

Health Smart Challenge - final installment!

Week 5 – Day 35 (Tuesday 24th February 2009):

Had a pretty good week this week. I exercised daily but really did have a better sense of balance. I jogged 4 times and walked twice. I also did some yoga at home using a DVD I purchased. I feel that I am getting better at taming my negative thoughts and even though they still come fast and furious at times, I am learning that it’s important to try and put some perspective on both the thoughts and the situation at hand.

I have found yoga has been a relaxing way to clear the mind. I’m hoping it is not a phase. It makes me feel clear in the head and it’s during these times I feel happy and healthy and better able to rationalise my negative thoughts.

I flipped through some old Health Smart mags today and found that having changed the style of magazine I read has also provided me with some clear mindedness. Previously I have read magazines, which focus primarily on weight loss and are filled with images of bodies I will and could never have. Reading articles about health, vitality and well being are much more soothing to my own soul. Today I re-read an article I had flagged some time back, from the June-July 2008 issue titled “Think Thin” learn the tricks. I’m really trying :o)

Week 6 – Day 40 (Monday 01st March 2009):

I’m getting very close to the end of this challenge and whilst I know it can take 6 weeks to break a habit, I believe this one may take me a little more time. Some days I feel like my goal of learning to really love myself is not attainable in this lifetime. The thought depresses me and rather than seeing it as motivation, or indeed, ammunition to change, I seem to let it beat me. I seem to allow myself to turn the thoughts around in my mind. Feel their negative affects, let them momentarily damage my soul and rob me of the beauty I should be able to see in my unique personality.

Perhaps though I have achieved more than I am giving myself credit for in this time frame, and indeed in the last few years. If I dissect my thoughts, break them down and rationalise them, I can deduce the following:

1: I have lost a significant amount of weight and maintained that loss for some time now.

2: I have changed my lifestyle and no longer lead anything that resembled the sedentary sloth-like one of the past.

3: I have learnt that the key to my success is action. I know that motivation is fleeting, but yet I have choice every day! 9 times out of ten I use that choice for good, and to my advantage.

4: I am setting a good example for my children. I feed my family nutritious and wholesome food and regularly display to them the benefit and need for physical activity.

5: I am TRYING to love myself and that in itself is a greater effort than I’ve made in recent times. I recognise my thoughts and feelings towards my body and subsequent body image are like a roller coaster – up and down from one day (or moment) to the next. I also recognise the real goal lies in learning to change that and taking the steps to do so – no matter how long the journey at hand.

Synopsis – Thursday 19th March

It’s been a few weeks since I ceased my journaling (no matter how infrequent) for the Health Smart Challenge. That said I felt the need to provide a final statement into my initial goals and the outcomes of these.

When I began the challenge I hadn’t really identified (despite suggestions to do so) the exact way in which I would go about reaching my goals. I looked at the entry form sent to me and initially I had thought I would aim to lose 5 kilos (my eternal quest). But then after thinking about it a little more, I decided that for me weight loss is actually only a very small piece of this journey that I have been on for what feels at times like forever.

I guess the thing is I know I CAN lose weight. I have proven that much to myself. What I feel like I haven’t been able to get a full handle on, is the self-esteem I have attached to my body image. Being a twin does play a bigger role in this than I have previously acknowledged, but once I did it almost became an overwhelming reality. Sexy Twin is thinner and always has been. Why then do I continue to put so much weight in my image by comparison to hers? I have taken away from this exercise the desire to let go of these issues and thoughts. We are different people. Period.

I’ve learnt a few more things over the past few weeks.

1: Body image is almost shamefully important to me. I feel shallow simply writing that – but there it is – in black and white. It’s not so much important to me in a ‘defines who other people are’ kind of way, but more that I have somehow allowed it to define me. I have unwittingly tied so much of myself and my self-belief, into the external aspects of who I am. I realise now I have done myself a great disservice in doing so. However, I have also learnt from this 6 week challenge that simply writing the positive things about myself (such as I did in week 3 and 6) demonstrated to me the many things about myself, which need not be connected to the number on the bathroom scales or the tag size of my slightly snug jeans.

2: I am not a failure if I do not run every day. Even as I write those words I want to believe them ALL the time, not just right now, yesterday and possibly tomorrow – but every day! I know from week 4 that when I placed words of affirmation on my bedroom mirror – it helped. I need to do this with my mindset daily. I need to replace the negative, self-criticising thoughts, with positive affirming thoughts that boost my self-esteem daily.

Until undertaking this challenge I had not placed anything affirming on my walls or mirrors. In fact in High school I did the opposite and wrote messages to myself telling myself I was fat and to stop eating in an effort to get thin. An action I can now see has had long-term negative affects on me. Never again will I record such negative and untrue thoughts. Instead I am going to continue to write affirming statements and read them with belief!

3: I am seeing a psychologist. After making the first phone call and being told I would need to wait for her annual leave to end, I thought that was the first and final step. However, in light of my changes and the recognition I WANT to change as well as need to, I phoned back and had my first of possibly many appointments in early March. I will continue down this path and feel that even if this is the most significant step this 6-week challenge presented to me, it was a worthwhile and strong step for me, a serial doubter, to take. I feel as though I have empowered myself, given myself permission to really deal with the negative thoughts and equip myself with further tools to love myself and change my mindset – for good!

4: I want to last but certainly not least, remind myself and also demonstrate the changes I HAVE made in terms of my weight loss. I must confess that whenever I look back on my ‘before & after’ pictures I wonder what on earth is wrong with me that I fail to see what I really do know others can – I have changed and if I continue on this path of mental well being and emotional self belief, In time I will really see what others do also. I am beautiful inside and out and I want to exude the confidence of someone who knows her contribution to the world around her is incredibly worthwhile and far from based on the size of my jeans! To me that is what real health is about, smart health. Embodying mind, spirit and body!

Taking the challenge part 3:

Week 2 - Day 8 - 14 (Wednesday 28th January – Tuesday 3rd February 2009):

This week was not a good week for me :o( My period arrived and even as I write the following, I regret the thoughts forming in my mind – I hate myself during this time of the month. My hormones just rage. I feel bloated. I suffer from dry, acne prone skin and basically I am an ogre towards Muscle Man. The poor guy can almost sense when my period is on it’s way purely based on how I start to treat myself and in turn, him. I changed my clothes this morning a hundred times (3rd Feb), typically settling on the very first outfit I donned – what a bloody waste of time and energy all the in-between outfits were. Not to mention I now have a bedroom resembling a clothing clearance sale in Myers.

When I decided to start this challenge, I made a decision to myself that I wouldn’t lie. I decided that I would record the good, the bad and the ugly. This week was downright ugly. I must confess I spent a good 10 minutes in the shower yesterday crying over the stretch marks on my stomach, the wobble in my bottom when I run, the complete lack of tone in my upper thighs and perhaps most embarrassing, the lack of left breast (yep, just the left) as a result of nursing two children. After turning the water off and letting the last tear wash down the drain I made a decision. It’s time to see a psychologist. I simply cannot go through the rest of my life with this weight around my neck (or as I perceive it, my waist).

Week 3 - Day 16 (Thursday 5th February 2009)

Jogged today, ate really well. Wrote some affirming thoughts in my food journal, as follows;

Things I like about me:

1: My brain. I am a smart, articulate woman.
2: My ability to provide love and security to my children.
3: My commitment to my marriage
4: My loyalty. My friends and family love me for who I am and can always trust I’ll be there for them.
5: My body’s ability to nurture my children. From conception to birth and beyond.
6: My strength – I constantly underestimate my own strength. Both physical and emotional. I need to reflect on it more often.
7: My fitness – I AM fit! I CAN run, I CAN lift weights, I CAN reach goals!


Week 3 – Day 20 (Monday 9th February 2009):

Phoned to make an appointment with a psychologist today. She is on leave until the end of February. Simply making the phone call made me feel strong. Like I’d taken the first step in the right direction. A step for me. A real step towards long-term change.

I’ve also been keeping a food journal for the past week or so, I figure at very least it can serve as a reminder that I do make smart choices and should applaud myself for these choices. Choices I AM in control of. My food journal has also served as a diary also and I’ve taken to occasionally recording my thoughts, feelings and actions in addition to here.

Week 4 – Day 25 (Saturday 14th February 2009):

I’ve decided to place words of affirmation around my house – predominantly in the places I possibly need them the most – MIRRORS (oh, and by the fridge/pantry). So far so good!! I have found myself repeating these ‘mantras’ at work. I’m also reminding myself of my all time favourite mantra “Why put off till tomorrow, that which I can do today”.

Week 4 Day 28 (Tuesday 17th February 2009):

Sexy Twin came over today and looked like a million bucks! Damn her! Muscle Man sensing what I was obviously thinking told me after she had left that I look healthy and that health is more important than whether the latest fashion (i.e. skinny jeans) suits my figure. I made a concerted effort to listen to his words and remind myself of the journey I have travelled and the changes I have made.

I wish I didn’t feel this way about Sexy Twin. We share such a special bond and deep down I know that she doesn’t look at me and think the thoughts I do of myself. I also need to think about the impact I am having on our relationship. I am almost certain that she can sense my envy of her and yet, all it does is serve to put a wall between us.

My next challenge is to learn to value our differences, the things that make us unique. I need to let go of my perception that socially we are expected to be one in the same. I need to love her for who she is exactly as I expect her to feel towards me.

......

Taking the Challenge Part 2:

Week 1 -Day 1 (Thursday 22nd January 2009):

Work was busy today, which meant my mind was busy also.

It is a daily occurrence for me to doubt myself or criticise my appearance and sadly to be
completely honest, today has been no exception. In my own defence, I made a deliberate decision to stop the negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirming thoughts. For example, around 3pm when the inevitable sugar craving overcame me and my thoughts turned
to the consequential cellulite on my thighs and my ever-present love handles, I decided not to
succumb to the feelings of failure that can overwhelm me in the presence of chocolate. Instead I reminded myself that a quick stretch and walk around the office would help get the blood flowing and distract my mind from the blasted fundraising chocolate every office has, and shouldn’t!
Success!! Instead of giving in to the Mars Bar with my name on it, I took the lift down the 7 floors to the ground level and then turned around and walked UP the 112 (I counted as I walked) stairs back to my desk. I felt positive about this step, no matter how small and insignificant it
may have seemed at the time.

Outcome of Day 1 – although at times the negativity made itself known, simply having prepared myself for it’s assault and pre-planning my subsequent attack, I really did feel better and a little more in control of these thoughts and my reaction to them.

So far so good!

Week 1 - Days 2-4 (Friday 23rd January – Sunday 25th January 2009):

I’m trying to remain committed to this task and am therefore loathe to record the excuses as to my lack of diarising the last few days. None the less, being a working mother of 2 young boys, a
social butterfly (Australia Day and nieces 2nd birthday fit into this) and a hopeless diary writer at the best of times, I must confess I am wondering if I will find this task harder than I gave myself initial credit for. Then again, I deemed myself a failure from the outset so even keeping record 3 times a week would be a success for me!

I have eaten well the last few days and been jogging each day. Running is my outlet. I hate
it and love it with equal passion. I hate it because it’s hard work; I love it because, who doesn’t find the end of hard work satisfying?

I’ve been an avid runner for 2 years now, only taking a short sabbatical for the last trimester of Bob's pregnancy. I must admit though that I have also recognised that in order to help clear my mind of negative thoughts I also need to find some balance in the pressure I place on myself to run every day of the week. Challenge # 2 – try some new exercises and allow myself resting times during the week. Jogging is not the be all end all, and does not need to be!

Week 1- Day 7 (Tuesday 27th January 2009) – 1 week down. 5 to go.

Today I went for a bike ride after work. Muscle Man and I loaded the boys into their bike
trailer and rode around the local lake. It felt great to have the fun and family time and all whilst setting an example of health and fitness to my sons. All in all week 1 of this challenge has given me a level of accountability to at very least, try and do what I say/challenge myself to do.

I have still to some degree been allowing negative self-talk to occasionally frame my thoughts, but I must admit that knowing I will come home to write about it is like a gentle reminder to change the thought and transform it into something wholesome.

Maybe this won’t be as hard as I thought?!

Taking the Challenge!

At the start of the year I undertook to participate in the Readers Digest Health Smart Magazine, Health Smart Challenge (try saying that 6 times over and fast!).

The idea of the challenge being to take a health related issue, i.e quit smoking, lose some weight, give up caffeine (NO WAY) and embark on the challenge for a period of 6 weeks. During the 6 weeks entrants were required to journal some of their experiences and essentially write about our outcome at the end of the 6 weeks. How we found the challenge, the strengths, weaknesses, results and so forth.

Well, I decided that my personal challenge would be surrounding "mental health" and focus specifically on what was, and has been, my biggest health challenge for some time now. Body Image.

Much to my absolute shock, I WON!! And trust me, I was shocked. I can list the things I have won in my life on 1 hand. A paper back book when I was 10 called "Ip-dip-sky-Blue' (Yep, it was as good as the title ;o) ), and a $2 scratchie. Oh, I can also add the one occasion I won a meat tray at the local club's raffle!

To win this competition is the creme De Le creme! I won it for being me! I'm not even going to try and filter the arrogance that comment exudes! I did. There was no luck, no lack of entrants, and no bribing the judges (I've never done that with success by the way). I won for honestly sharing my struggles, thoughts, emotions and feelings. YAY ME!

Next months magazine will have an excerpt from my entry but I also wanted to share my entry on here, in full, for anyone who may be struggling with body image as I did/have/do.

It's quite long, so I shall include it in installments :) Enjoy.

My Health Smart Challenge

Start: Wednesday 21st January 2009

OK, so I’ve decided to take part in the ‘Health Smart’ challenge. I must admit I hadn’t given the idea much thought when I sent an email requesting an entry form. All I know is I quite like the Health Smart magazine, and heck, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the idea of a week at a health spa is so incredibly appealing right now.

So, where do I begin? Well perhaps I should start this online diary (if I can call it that) with a little about myself and perhaps what my goals are during this next 6 or so weeks.

My name is ALFIE, I am a 26 year old mother of two boys, JIM who is 4 and BOB who is 1. I have been married (mostly happily) to MUSCLE MAN for 6 years in March and like most Canberran’s I am a dutiful Public Servant. I am also a self-confessed weight loss junky and the bearer of what can only be called ‘low self-esteem’. The frustration with this is that I have over the past 2.5 yrs lost and maintained a weight loss of 20+ kilos. I have kept an online blog of my achievements (fitandfabmamma@blogspot.com ) and tried as honestly as possible to share and learn from my own experiences in relation to weight loss and body image. More recently (from around December) I’ve felt myself sliding backwards in terms of my own body image and what I call my ‘self-talk’.

I have without doubt changed my lifestyle considerably and yet I simply cannot deny the fact that my mind and I guess my ‘minds-eye’, have not changed to the extent I would like. Rather, I am for the most part trapped seeing myself as the ‘fat-girl’ I was. I must confess there is also another facet to these feelings – I am an identical twin. Therein lies what I would personally deem to be the most significant issue for me. The term ‘identical’ is almost redundant in the case of my twin and I. You see, she is and always has been the ‘skinny’ twin. A fact that I not only note with lingering resentment but that others have at times felt the need to highlight.

Growing up it was not uncommon for SEXY TWIN and I to hear comments to the effect of “So Alfie is the prettier of the two, and Sexy Twin is the slender one”. The word 'pretty' was completely lost on me and instead the only word my brain seemed to compute was the word ‘slender’. My logic at the time was to analyse the comment and assume the deliverer of this statement was calling me fat!

Without going into the finer details of my weight loss I’ll simply state that despite losing weight and gaining a level of fitness, I never in my wildest dreams believed was attainable, I am still in my mind stuck in the rut I was for the majority of my life, the fat mind.

So with that said, I guess my own desires for undertaking the Health Smart challenge are not specific to weight loss or fitness, but rather my own personal desire to change the way I see myself. The way I talk to myself. The constant stream of negative thoughts and commentary I play over and over again and the personal comparisons I make between my twin sister and I. My goal is to be healthy in mind, and body.

I cannot deny that even as I type this I am questioning my own commitment to the task. I sit here already berating myself for past failures and allowing the self doubt and negativity to make itself known, again! In this light my first challenge is to try and go one day (to start) without doubting my ability. Starting tomorrow I’m going to bolster my self-belief and challenge myself to be smart about my health, specifically my mental health. I am going to make an effort to compliment myself tomorrow and banish, or change, the negative thoughts which may creep
(more like seep) into my day.

(Names changed to fit the blog) :)

Stay tuned for more....

My Personal Best!

Sometimes I get so caught up in thinking of the things I want to achieve that I fail to stop and really think about the things I HAVE achieved. Know the feeling?

One of the pearls of wisdom my psychologist (at least I'm not saying my "Jenny" consultant these days) is helping to instill in me is the ability to think rationally about the things which I know to be true. Things such as the distance I have come with my weight loss, the changes I have made in my lifestyle (such as eating celery without firstly dipping it in a jar of Nutella), the example I am setting for my children. When I rationalise these things I can't help but give myself the credit I deserve!

Two years ago the only thing I was able to run was a tab at the local Pub. Oh OK, and a temperature. These days I can run a smooth 6 kilometres on any given day of the week and do so in what I consider a bloody good time!

Last night (as per most) I dashed home from work, ripped my clothes off and hurriedly slapped on my gym pants, singlet and iPod before racing out the door in order to catch the very last rays of light. Now in the past I've made no secret of the fact that sometimes when I run I feel like an elephant with every single ripple of skin, fat and muscle billowing around me - think parachute. Sometimes my body feels strong and I really believe my legs are magnificent pistons smoothly pushing through their paces and carrying me the distance - and then I hear myself breathing and wonder when I suddenly became asthmatic. And then sometimes I also have superb runs where everything works in sync - mind, body, breath. The works. Last night was that run!

Last night I ran 5.6 kilometres in 23 minutes.

I realise of course that this is never going to win me a place on the Olympic sprinting team. In fact it's unlikely I would even qualify for a Little Athletics carnival, but heck as far as I am concerned I am Marion Jones in my own backyard (OK, minus the drug scandal).

Roughly 2 years ago the exact track I ran last night in 23 minutes took me 45! When I first started jogging this track I had snails glide past me at a faster pace. From the outset it would have looked like I was running away from something rather than towards it, and it would have sounded as though I was the big bad wolf attempting to blow a house of bricks down! Last night I felt so good and strong that I don't even mind telling you when I came home I thought I was Rocky, and heck, I still do!

I have reached a personal best - and you know the very best part? I know I can still do even better :o)

"I'll have what she's having"

Does anyone remember the TV advertisement which contained this slogan?

If my memory serves me correctly (which let's be honest after having Jim and Bob it probably doesn't) it was a Special K advert or similar. Well whatever the product was, I must admit that I find myself thinking and feeling this quite a bit lately.

I've found myself guilty of looking at weight loss gimmicks, advertisements, shakes, pills, potions and basically anything which I would ordinarily associate as a 'quick fix' and wishing I could indulge myself! Some days the actual work that is required to maintain my health and fitness just seems like a royal pain in the arse, and just once I wish a 'quick fix' could be the final answer!

Last week I found myself day-dreaming about a vast array of pills and potions all which promise to curb ones appetite, speed up your metabolism, melt kilos off your body; and if this wasn't good enough - increase your sex drive! Ding Ding Ding we have a winner!

Well despite the very appealing promises these magic pills claim to possess, I must admit when it comes down to it, they really aren't for me. Why? Well a few reasons really:

#1: To me they are like the easy way out. The shortcut in the road if you will. And yes, I could take a shortcut but then I know that I AM capable of working up a sweat myself (with the exception of the bedroom), I DO feel better after I exercise and make smarter choices regarding the food I put into my body, and I KNOW that at the very heart of the issue, it's not about weight loss but rather health, happiness and the example I am setting for my family; and,

#2: the second reason, and at times probably my saving grace, is that I am still breastfeeding Bob at least once a day. Heck, I'd be high as a kite off a codral these days let alone something called a hydroxy-something-or-other which states it contains 100 different sorts of ginseng, gurana and caffeine to boot!

I guess what I am getting at is that the choice to be healthy and change your lifestyle is constant. Somehow I had fooled myself into thinking that once I lost the desired weight I'd be able to settle back into my old ways again. Slothing it up on the couch, eating whatever I desired and only working up a sweat when slurping cocktails on tropical islands with the sun beaming down upon me (OK, that part is still a dream). What I hadn't seriously taken into consideration was the fact that for the rest of my life I would be working at this game called health. It's no longer about losing weight, now it's about keeping fit and living the fullest life I can. A healthy, active life.

To be completely honest some weeks the absolute last thing I feel like doing is exercise. Some days (like yesterday) I want to fall into a chocolate induced coma. Some times I want to be sloth like and lift nothing more than food to my mouth and the boys for a cuddle - But, those days are fleeting because the choice to live means the choice for health and the choice for health means moving more and eating less. What's your choice?

I'm a Baby Giraffe!

Muscle Man and I have not long returned from a work trip to Melbourne. Whilst down there I decided to take Jim and Bob to the Melbourne Museum.

One of the many exhibitions at the museum related to baby animals, and their sizes. Naturally Jim was delighted with the hands on exhibits, including a larger than life scale which gave some weight comparisons to the unsuspecting human victim and the animal they most correlate with weight wise.

Jim being the light weight he is had a weight relative to that of a baby Emperor Penguin. That's nice and petite (and gorgeous) I thought. Let me try. Well, I'm not sure what would have been worse, actually seeing a digit flash up on a screen advising me I'm still carrying extra Christmas kilo's, or the animal I apparently weigh - a baby Giraffe! Surely I couldn't weigh as much as that! A baby giraffe would have 40 kilos alone in their neck, right......*cough*

Just for prosperity here is a picture of that brutal scale - I suppose I should be pleased I'm only the giraffe and not the hippo ;o)

A bad week

Well, as the title suggests, it's a bad week (or month) for Alfie.

It all Started last week with the very sad demise of my treadmill. Muscle Man is to blame (true story) for putting too much of that 'muscle weight' into use and attempting to run at the fastest speed, on the highest incline, with a run up and leap to start! Needless to say the treadmill has died and along with it his sex life for a month - penance!!

In all seriousness though I am quite distressed that I no longer have an-in-home-exercise option! Canberra is averaging 36 degree temps at present and with Muscle Man away for work (escape became his only option) I am left with resorting to pushing Jim and Bob in my twin jogger in the heat! Without the endless excuses of yester-year, I have been dutifully running with the boys in the pram. It's a hard slog I tells ya! The weight of them combined and the pram equals close to (if not more than) 45 kilos. Add my weight to that and I may as well be running with a lead belt tied around my waist AND the weight I've lost to date. Oh and let's not forget that I should be doing so in a sauna with an overhead column heater blaring on my face and an industrial sized fan blowing directly in front of me.

Why then if I know I can run outside and can do so in less then favourable conditions, am I that upset about my faithful tready's death? Well, I guess being the year of honesty (Bugger the OX) I may as well spit it out - I have exercise agoraphobia! That's right, you read it here folks, I dislike exercising in public. It scares me. I feel like a fraud. My butt jiggles, my breathing isn't always as cool as a cucumber, I have a little muffin top spilling out my gym pants, and did I mention my bum jiggles.

I realise this all comes down to my own social perception of 'fitness' but when I envision a women jogging, I have this ingrained picture of perfection.....

A sports crop-top sitting on perky breasts with no signs of 3.8 yrs of breastfeeding and weight loss behind them, a wash board stomach with perfect muscle definition with every jogging step she takes - not a stretch-marked, saggy, 'used as an incubator' for 18 months stomach. I see slender muscled thighs which are firm and flexed with every stride she takes - I don't see thigh chaff and residual wobble as the Chariots of Fire theme song plays in the back ground whilst the remainder of thigh and cellulite catch up to the rest of the leg (all in slow motion of course). I see a perfectly taught and tiny bum, the kinda bum that hot pants were made for, not a wide load with saddle bags, cottage cheese dimples and JIGGLE.

I KNOW I can run. I KNOW I am great at running. I just don't look like a runner. This perception was confirmed yesterday when I mentioned to a colleague I'd been for a jog at 5.45am and he quipped back with "Oh, you run? I wouldn't have picked that". OUCH!

To me, my treadmill represented my right to jiggle in private. It represented my ability to set 3 pedestal fans up around me, put an episode of Desperate Housewives on and run to my hearts content in an environment where no jiggle, no breast sag, no cellulite or thigh chaff could possibly be subject to thoughts of "Oh, you run? I wouldn't have picked that".

Perhaps though, I need to look at this from another angle, and change my own perception about REAL women who run. Some of us do jiggle, some of us puff, some of us have stretch marks and exercise agoraphobia (yes, I made this terminology up) BUT at the heart of it, the main thing I NEED to remember is that some of us just get out there and do it anyway.

A leaf out of my own blog

Happy New Year Bloggers :o)

How pitiful that in December I only made time for 1 blog entry. Shameful. I apologise. None- the-less, with January in full swing the time to get back on the keyboard has never been better. After all, January is the month where we inevitably start making new years resolutions and goals for the coming year.

This year I must admit I haven't made too many resolutions. In previous years without fail 'lose weight' was a resolution, and whilst I could have easily stated the same for 2009, I have decided that this is the year where I really need to focus on learning to love ME. Flaws and all, excess weight included.

I must admit I feel like a real fraud writing this particular entry when previous blog entry's have focused on learning to love oneself inclusive of cellulite, fat, stretch marks, lop-sided boobs and excess baby weight.

I'm not quite sure what went wrong towards the end of last year but somewhere along the way I stopped heeding (and to a point, believing) my own advice and strongly reverted back to my critical self-loathing behaviour. Did I gain weight? No. Did I keep exercising and eating well? Yes, but, was I happy and most importantly truly healthy during that time? No.

So, as far as resolutions go, my biggest one for 2009 is learning to change my negative thoughts (such as "my butt is the size of a walrus' and wearing yellow makes me look like Homer Simpson") and learning to appreciate, really appreciate, the strengths I have.

I have to be honest and say that I am not sure if I can achieve this on my own and it is possible that a trip (or 10) to a psychologist may be required however, one thing I can say for sure is that I am determined to change my thinking. Realistically I know just like I knew I had to loose weight, that I can not go one berating (or comparing) myself anymore.

So, this year my blog will remain focused on 'weight-loss' but rather than solely referring to the excess bulge around my middle, I'll be writing about my experiences with shedding the weight which I carry around in my head. The thoughts and statements I make about myself which continue to weigh me down!

I hope you'll join me for the ride :)

Alfie xxx