Fit or not?

I went for my standard jog tonight. I generally jog about 7kms 4-5 times a week and love it. OK so not the actual jogging part, but the after jog satisfaction and immense feeling of completion that follows. Normally I'll be jogging along feeling like Kate Winslet leaning precariously off the helm of the Titanic with Leonardo behind me yelling "I'm king of the world". Jogging makes me feel strong, tough, "Queen of the World". Tonight was not like that at all, but rather a case of Kate hanging off the back of the boat about to plummet to my death in desperation!

I continually find it odd how sometimes jogging, or exercise in general for that matter will feel like a breeze one day and a struggle of enormous proportions the next. Tonight I had decided that 20 minutes would suffice (rather than the 30 I do usually do as standard). Muscle Man was heading off in an hour on yet another work trip so 20 minutes would certainly do, and give me time to appreciate him before he left. Well not 2 minutes into my run and I was cursing the fact I hadn't just stayed at home and lapped up the full hour before he left. Heck, I could have had a 20 minute nanna nap instead!

I had decided to jog along the "ridge" behind my street. A 5 km (there and back) stretch of dirt, hills and open paddocks. I planned to jog to the end and back again and stop when the going got tough. As I began my run I had a million thoughts running through my head. "You are an impostor, a fake, a wannabe trying to pretend you are some kind of athlete" was the most dominant thought taking place. None the less I decided to push my wannabe athletic body and continue the chosen course.

As I passed people leisurely walking their canines I hoped my breathing (or lack thereof) was not giving away the degree of difficulty I was facing. The desire to quit while I was ahead, take my bat and ball, and go home. Jogging along, listening to tunes on my Ipod, I was having this mental battle between strength and weakness. Thoughts of being hopeless and fradulant were intercepted with thoughts that I was a strong, capable women who could, and does, leap small buildings in a single bound and that I run this distance numerous times a week and SUCCEED! Today would be no different!

Well, sure enough 28 minutes later I was nearing the end of my course and whilst I was still feeling an enormous degree of difficulty I was SO close to home that giving up was not an option. As I neared the end I felt the familiar surge of adrenalin and mental strength that comes with each run and sprinted the last 100metres home. Upon reaching the front door I felt the familiar "Queen of the World" attitude and happily agreed I am ROCKY (well, in my own backyard right?!).