Huey's Cooking Adventures

OK, so am I the only one who finds it wrong on so many levels that a large man wearing suspenders and sporting a handlebar moustache has an afternoon time slot cooking relatively unhealthy foods?

As I was in the kitchen fixing myself a cup of tea (it's about as domestic as I get) I glanced at the TV, and there larger then life was Ian Hewitson with a dark blue shirt and a pair of flashy red suspenders. I would hedge bets that this guy has so many suspenders he could make the worlds largest sling shot and hopefully use it to sling himself away, and off our 3.30pm time slot!

Personally I think suspenders should be banned. My mother in law kindly bought Jim a pair (what a 3 year old needs suspenders for I have no idea). After thanking her for her kindness whilst simultaneously casting Muscle Man a bemused look, I conveniently 'lost' them in the back of his wardrobe. That is until last week in one of his many "Put me to bed hey, I'll show you and trash my room" episodes. Young Jim thought all his Christmases had come at once when he pulled from the cupboard all the lovely (*cough, cough*) things I've stashed in his wardrobe, including a pair of red suspenders!

Well in true 3 year old Dennis the Mennis form, he HAS been using them as a sling shot. Unlucky for him, the cat has not been a willing participant in these escapades. Needless to say, said suspenders are now residing at the top of MY cupboard. Muscle Man thinks they'd make great handcuffs, I think that's disturbing.

Anyway, back to Huey.

I seem to vaguely recall that Mr Hewitson was an advocate for Jenny Craig a few years ago. Another fact that has not been lost on me. Why would a chef who should have an intricate knowledge of healthy cuisine be relying on frozen space snack meals to lose weight? Ironic, surely. I mean, good on him for making lifestyle changes and advocating them, but surely he could achieve that by putting down the oil, or using his suspenders as a skipping rope.

Today I briefly watched him whip together some form of ragout (this word simply has to be said with a rolled rrrrrr and an ooooo sound at the end). Sure enough I watched as lashings of oil, butter, and salt were added. Unquestionably I am not the only one who would love to see healthy, easy meals, suitable for the family and fail-safe (for those like me who regularly burn tinned soup), made with fresh, wholesome ingredients.

Maybe it's not actually his cooking that bothers me so much (I mean, yes it is) but perhaps it is the suspenders. Perhaps it's his jovial "I laugh at my own jokes" manner, or perhaps it's his continual references to Mr Moon. Has anyone EVER seen Mr Moon? Who the heck is Mr Moon? You know, it could even be the manky tea towel which is used to wipe every plate, his hands, clean his suspenders from splash-back, and wipe the bread board.

It could even be the title! "Huey's Cooking Adventures". Let's be honest, there is nothing adventurous about his style of cooking. There is nothing adventurous about his locations. To me adventure would be cooking on the side of an active volcano, dangling a breast of chicken over the molten lava edge to get that smoke house taste (although I suspect smoulder would be the flavour of the day), whilst boiling some rice in a nearby hot spring and steaming asparagus at the same time. Yes, that would warrant the word 'Adventure' in the title.

I think in light of Huey's obvious flaws, it's high time I approached the prime time TV stations with a proposal;

"Alfie's low-fat, family friendly, freezer ready, fat to fabulous, fantastic foods!"

Never mind I can't cook. That's semantics.

Now, in the words of our social cooking example Ian Hewitson; "A dish without wine is an absolute crime, and pants without braces are simply disgraces"

* I made that up, but c'mon, we all know the guy likes a quote at the end of each show!!