New Years Resolutions

Yes, I realise it is May but what a perfect time to reassess and evaluate the goals so many of us made at the start of this year. As with every year, I find myself shocked at the speed by which this year is moving. Each new year year I lament that I can not believe how fast the year before went by. Every year is the same. Being almost half way through the year, it causes me to reflect on my own resolutions.

• Save more money (hmmmm, still trying on this one)
• Clean the house more often (dead set failing at this one)
• Try something new and adventurous (need to work on this one)
• Buy more dresses and figure flattering clothes (possibly why I am saving no money)
• Compete in a fun run or triathlon (more on this later)

Every year, there seems to be an awful lot of social pressure when it comes to new years resolutions. I imagine the top two resolutions would be to quit smoking and of course, lose weight. Companies affiliated with either would cash in on the hype of individuals determination that this will be their year! I've succumbed to the hype, and lined someones pockets many years.

It was January 2006 and in a surge of self confidence I picked up the phone and dialled Jenny Craig. I had used the JC program some years earlier when Muscle Man and I first began dating and I had ashamedly broken down in tears to him one day about my body image and lack of self-confidence. It hadn't helped that just prior to my putting on the waterworks, Muscle Man's bicep was blocking the sun, and my view In that moment I realised how fit and determined he was, and how reckless with my own health I was. Being the supportive guy he was, he paid for me to join Jenny Craig. I successfully lost 13 kgs during this time. However, within a few months of ceasing the program (didn't help that a dodgy ex flat-mate kept eating my JC food) I had re-gained the majority of the weight I had lost.

Well, this time, this year (2006) I was determined for Jenny to work. At the time Kirsty Ally was the spokeswomen and I was certain if she could achieve her goals with them, so could I.

I recall my first appointment so vividly. Armed with my best 'weight-gain' excuse; Jim, I climbed the 20 odd stairs leading up to the entrance. Breathless by the time I reached the door, I stood outside the centre and pretended to tie my shoe as I curled over trying to regain my breath. After a few minutes I walked inside. I was promptly ushered into a weigh in room where my mug-shot, oh sorry, I mean my "before" photo was taken and I was weighed.

Jim was just shy of 1 and yet sadly I was still wearing maternity clothes. I saw the before photo and cringed. I'd even attempted the token "I'm fat and sad" pose you see in every before weight loss photo. I did indeed look fat, and sad. It was exactly how I felt.

After the formalities I was introduced to my "consultant". She was tall, lean, fit and beautiful. Within the first 5 minutes she had provided me with her life story, ABN number, bra-size, and managed to divulge the fact she had never been "fat" in all her life and could eat whatever she wanted, any time. From that moment on, failure felt ingrained.

How could I possibly succeed if the person keeping me accountable had no understanding of the emotion associated with my weight. No idea of the daily struggle not to eat everything in sight and wallow in my own self-pity whilst drinking chocolate with a straw to prevent having to exert energy braking pieces in half! No, this simply would not do. I was absolutely doomed to fail. Again. As I left with my bags of plastic food, I decided a trip to the golden arches was in order. I needed to mull this one over with a hefty dose of lard.

I stuck it out for a few weeks, sabotaging my efforts daily and having no one I could turn to who understood. Eventually I decided to stop wasting money and throw in the towel again. I relented to Muscle Man that I was destined to remain a fatty and pass the cheese please. Another new years resolution down the drain.

This year I deliberately did not set a 'weight-loss' resolution. I no longer feel the need to. Every day when I wake up I resolve to make this a good day. To make smart choices, to move more. To make my energy in equal my energy out. No, this year I decided to make resolutions which set me outside my comfort zone (OK, weight loss did that too, but in a familiar been here before kinda way). Resolutions which challenge and push me to realise my own potential and self worth. One of my biggest ones was to compete in a triathlon or fun run. Something I previously could only aspire to. Something for fit and 'skinny' people.

Well, I am extremely proud, and excited to announce that tomorrow I am partaking in the Mothers Day Classic fun run. http://www.mothersdayclassic.com.au/ Muscle Man and I jogged the track today to get a feel for the route. We loaded Jim and Bob into our jogger and off we set. It was actually a beautiful track and an equally beautiful day. We completed the course in just under 28 minutes which ain't bad when sharing a child laden pram between the two.

I must admit I am feeling a mixture of excitement and nerves! Nervous that I might get stampeded by a crowd of women who can run faster than I! Nervous that I might appear fraudulent if my breathing is too laboured. Nervous that I will come in dead last (hmmm, wonder if there is a prize for that), and nervous that someone will take my photo and I'll be a heaving mass of rippling fat. Mostly though I have to admit I am excited! Excited that this year, 2008, I will finally succeed in at least one of my new years resolutions (now to master the house work! - nah, it can wait till next year ;o) ).